:: my playlist :: Kana Nishino ft. Tokutemo – Wise

oops ! seems that i forgot something

:: my playlist :: Train – Soul Sister

+ hehehehe …. seems like i lied about the fact that i was going to post more xP sorry!!, well actually it seems that i have been using social internet even less that before too. i’ve come to use facebook a whole lot less than i used to, i dont use twitter at all now, and technically you could say ive sunken off the internet radarrrrrrr!! BUT ! * coughs * im back due to popular demand xD!!

+anyway! a new term is beginning in just a short 3 weeks! exciting news ! i still have to pick up my iMac later in the month * insert celebratory dance* well many people may feel that the holidays really slipped past and are they prepared to take on a new year of school?? i cant answer for them but i know i can say i feel pretty prepared for the new term >=3!! im going to kill you UWS and finally get that transfer underway ><!….to be truthful, i was pretty unhappy that i missed the transfers last year. i really feel that i missed an opportunity but i know i was less determined to do well and now that i have a goal to work towards. i feel that this year! is going to go by easy breezy =D

++ and the much anticipated….. voncraft ( used to be stupid cupid) is going to really really be online soon=] just need a few more tweaks!.  very excited for this year! lets all work hard together!!

wrapping presents!!

:: my playlist :: Russian Roulette – Rihanna

+wells!! firstly ,MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE!! ❤  christmas is around the corner!! and its the time for giving and sharing and loving <3!!! hehehehe =] my presents are all wrapped and … under my bed …xD!! hahahaha no christmas tree for me =]

+ i remember when i was younger, i’d anticipate christmas and want it come  earlier! i’d look at my presents under the tree with lots of decorations that we’d put on it. and now.. just a few years on ( about 8 years i guess??)  i found that anticipation and excitement again!!it makes me smile to know that i can feel christmas cheer and merriment.!!

+ christmas is a joyous time, where families, friends and pets all eat lots and drink lots..xD well i think thats what  normally happens in my household..^^ hehehe i have adorned my dog into our very own rudolph!! shes going to be on the look out for santa tonight! so she can bite his butt off..xD

++ christmas in less than 4 hours!! hehehe counting down everyone?? hehehe hope everyone has a very merry christmas and new years!!

its been a year

:: my playlist :: if my heart was a house  –  Owl City

+well its been a year since the HSC and im still living  =] so i can say ! i have survived !!  hahahahahah  * laughs * its nice to know that… the HSC didnt …. kill me after all =], a liberating feeling, knowing that …. there IS life after the HSC and guess what??!!! im chasing after my dreams ^^

+ for those that knew of my pre HSC rendevous with making accessories rather than fully putting into study !, im back at it again =]  !!! hahahahaahhahahahahaha !! * laughs some more *, thanks for the encouragement then =] and thank you even more for the encouragement now =] (you know who you are )

+ill keep this post short and sweet =]!! and hopefully you’ll be able to see some freshly made ” things”  on here!! ^^

+i refurbished the blog after it looking so .. drab and … black ..^^ a bit better now =] some blue with danbo here ❤ hehehehe =] hope you all like him too !!

++ feels nice to blog again, one compares it to , going back to that hot cup of coffee that has cooled an now waiting for the first delightful sip!! , keep eyes peeled people!! im going to be blogging lots more now !!

P.S hehehehe christmas is around the corner!!!!  ❤

just walk out of my life

:: my playlist :: Shell of an Angel – Claude Kelly

+ i dont want to blog when i have extreme feelings , like when im super happy or super unhappy. but everytime… my blog is the place i can let out what i feel…. technically im not even letting it out.. im just …….. trying to push it all away and forget….. but it never works…………. my last post was very cute and  lovely but this one… is the exact opposite…..

+ life , though it has many many upsides… the downfall.. is the same…. the higher you get… the harder you fall. i thought i had it all… friend, family, work, uni….. but its all a facade….. ive just been seeing the happy things… but in reality life isnt that perfect……

+ i dont really want to tell whats wrong but if you do know… … then its a sign that you know im not always the happiest person on earth….. … i think im being selfish… but i think that .. … if i tell people….. they’ll be there to support me…. but how can  i repay them …. my gratitude doenst seem enough…. its so complex…. all these feelings that are whirling inside me atm… its killing me slowly from the inside…. …

+ the episodes of quietness and silence grow longer when im with people… they worry about me and try to see if they can help. i genuinely thank them for their concern but sometimes… i dont want to take there happiness and exchange it for my sadness….. this feeling its so hard to understand.. its so hard for me to comphrehend….. i want to run away… i thought i could ….. but it’s coming for me…. and…. it’ll come back worse than before

++ dont let me slip from the reality… the reality that im trying so hard to run away from…keep me sane so i can come down to earth and be me………

the days seem longer and the nights are too short

:: my playlist:: Missing Me – RJ Helton

+ isnt it interesting how the music you listen to makes you feel im sitting here right now and its late night and i think this is one of those nights where things just get to you…. its been such a long time since i’ve felt this but i guess emotional days just come and go on their own accord…… life treats you well sometimes … but like there is a bright side theres always a dimmer darker side to things… dont get me wrong im not feeling sad or depressed but you feel that emotional tug it hits you hard

+ you can say im feeling sentimental today, or you say im feeling like a hopeless romantic trying to find her romeo. i heard something very sweet from a cookie yesterday it melted me very much , she told me

”  once a boy saw a girl, when they met he thought she was his hell but as time passed and friendship grew, his heart grew fond, the times they shared together and the laughs that they had, it made him realise how much he had grown to love this girl whom he once disliked so much. he remembered when he first knew her he made a passing comment to her saying she had grandmother hands. but now he told a cookie the sweetest thing

” i used to hate those withering granny hands, but now i wish i can hold those hands in mine”

i heard this and thought how blissful and sweet love can be, (stupid me talking about love again). emotions are things that keep us happy i guess? but then they are also the things that bring us down. i think learning to let go sometimes, talking to a friend about things or even coming out of the closet about secrets. it makes you understand that you’re not alone, im not alone, you are not alone. hhahahahahaha this is pretty mushed up together post but i wanted to say something i guess about the things ive been feeling, the feelings that have brought me here today. heh ive lost myself already and if i havent lost you yet please understand, im writing what im feeling more than writing to be logical

++ the nights are shorter when they pass with people that love you. they days are longer when they are spent seeing the people that you love… im a hopeless romantic tonight and thats all you need to understand

its the time

:: my playlist :: Paula DeAnda – Walk Away

+ there are friends that come and go now and then in your life.. .. sometime life isnt a pretty perfect picture that looks great….. the hard work… the time and the effort that goes into painting that picture is wat makes it beautiful…. but sometimes the mistakes and the things that need to be erased can just be scratched off the canvas…. they will be covered up with more brighter colours and images but it doenst mean that they arent still there……

+ this is my outlook on life and friends and family and whatever you encounter in life…. one day there might be a person that you love that passes away ..there might be a friend that you want to see but it never happens… there might be pets that leave and go… these are the painful experiences and memories that we will have to learn to live with … there might be people that want to turn a blind eye on these to stop the pain and stop the hurt there might be people that want to face the problem and understand whats wrong and how to fix it …..

+ in the end.. its just that different people have different ways of dealing with different things…. but there is hope… there is a magic pillow to soften your fall … to lessen the pain….. i kinda just wanna say… as a friend to all of the people that i care for… ill be that magic pillow for you.. the one that you can cry onto … the one that you can hug when u need comfort…. the one that you can scream into to muffle the hurt…. but dont put me in the corner!! i dont mind if you need unearth me from the pile of other cool magic pillows that sound kinda like sa ka ta or are like local pornstars ( to the lucky girl-man that knows that im talking abt her i hope u can feel ze lurrvvvveee  )…… but no matter wat!! just know that im referring to you!! cos im cheesing myself out..xD its soo cheesyy… its like cheese on a magarita pizza..xD lol..xD

++ just as an end note ” Never shall i forget the days i spent with you. Continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours” – Beethoven

playground love

:: my playlist::  Do Me More – Namie Amuro

+ well had quite the experience today… tho i was supposed to be writing my essay all day.. i went out…O_O… to take just a couple of photos at maccas….xD playgrounds..xD and boy it was fun and painful…. remember the time when you were probably half your current height and really happy and eager to get to maccas, gobble all your food and then play in the equipment… haha yeh i went back to that same scene today … and it was quite nostalgic…..=]

+ crawling into those tubes that are meant for 8 y/o and not 17 or 18y/o with $1k cameras was quite a difficult task and not to mention painful on the knees..xD but that aside getting into those colourful and slighty futuristic looking play equipment was rather fun =] as i was snapping away all these kids were playing tag inside with “no backs”..xD it reminded me of how much i had enjoyed playing in those same playgrounds, i was happy for them… =] then.. came my bimbo moment of the day….i pointed to this tubish looking thing that slanted down… i didnt want to get into it… cos it would mean id have to climb back up again… so i asked a nearby girl ” hey =] is that a slide?” she replied me with a smirkish smile ” yeh thats a slide..xD”…. lol.. i wasnt really embarrassed but hey… it happens..after wat?… 10 years not being in one of those things.. obviously you’d have lost your sense of direction… but as i progressed to other maccas playgrounds i successfully manoeuvred myself through the whole tubish maze..xD

+ as i was saying… i guess i let myself be a kid today.. i laughed at myself when i was in the equipment, the feeling of growing up really got to me… well it doesnt mean im really old to begin with.. but compared to all the children there i felt slightly mature, i can sill hear their laughter and squealing ringing in my ears, being as innocent and young as they are … it feels like the world is only pure when you’re young….

+ i wonder what it will feel like when im even older than i am ……. when im 20 i might think ” those children are quite rowdy” ….. when im 30 i might think ” ahh its about time i get a coffee and sit and read paper”… and maybe when im 40  ill think ” need to make my kids eat before they get inside that slide and get germs all over”… ahahahahaha how time will fly past…. and how people will grow……. =] life seems like a movie where you are the main star….. i dunno if i can say im looking forward to growing up…. but …. i guess im understanding what growing up is ……

+ i think ill visit the playgrounds another day…. not for photos or anything…. just so i can sit inside and think about the past, and think about where im going to go in the future…………. i feel really nostalgic now……

++ some of the photos from today

is it me or is it you ….

:: my playlist :: Usher – Whats a Man to do

+ ive been talking to manda and lots of other uni people lately… but like some … i have kinda of come to realise about some particular tendencies in our conversations and actions… persay… im talking to either amy and manda … we will almost most of the time have DnMs … its not that its a bad thing.. but is it just a tendency?… do people really follow a regime when they are talking to people or is it just that cos the first conversation happened.. then so the rest will follow?…. its a mystery…. but i want to solve it ….

+  mmm my train of thought was lost cos i had a very imprudent person come and talked to me…. >=[ not happy…!!but back to my interesting yet… not so interesting post….. i have come to realise that its not that you end up talkin about it for no reason cos there is nothing else to talk about its more like…. you have come to trust a person that you will come to engage yourself to talk to them about your personal matters like relationships and etc… for me… its not hard for me to come to terms with myself… but… sometimes i hesitate to tell people things in fear that it will spread like wild fire and create a ablaze that i cant cool down….much like the experiences that i have had at school… but seemingly  i have come to understand that different conversations happen mostly cos you have trust or enjoy talking to people about them….or maybe there are some exceptions…..

+ similarly…. its like how you post things on blogs mainly meaning for it to be for your own personal satisfaction but actually secretly your posting so you want people to know more about you.. or your life… correct?…. but then i cant push my logic on everyone… its a different reason for every person… to be doing different things….

+ hahahaha ive found that life and people are very interesting things.. and when you put them together you get a song that plays an individual song for each person to hear….i guess the more im getting to know people or the more im understanding how life works its building a livelier and merrier song for me to hear…. i reckon i have lost my train of thought at least… 4 -5 times during this post… i guess im going to have to post later as compensation but its late.. i need to sleep… been out all day in the cold…tho…. i wasnt really that cold…. but yeh..it was fun and happy.. =] i like going on outings with friends… =] it makes you feel that you are needed i guess… in a way… it makes you feel like you need them in your life as much as they would need you… im happy and contented =D

++ friends are like presents that life has given us…. each time you recieve a new one its like a another gift that you have in your life… …. some may be a life long presents that you will cherish for eternity…. some might be lost along the way…. but at least there are the memories of the ups and downs you experienced…. i thank life… for giving me presents all the time =] cos without them life is very mean, selfish and dull without all that shiny and colourful wrapping paper that presents come in …xD…. =] just a shout out to all the friends and people that are reading this =] thanks for caring about me to be bothered to read my posts about random things =] it makes me happy ……=]

hey there delilah

:: my playlist :: Plain White T’s – Hey There Delilah

+ i started to learn the guitar lately…. its proven to be quite fun and relaxing… im learning my first song ” hey there delilah”.. its pretty fun =] im learning on my own … with my dad as an adviser….. hahahaha i guess those guitars that were left to collect dust are finally proving their worth! hopefully ill learn to play the song soon and play it…. and attempt to sing it at the same time..xD ….. my fingertips are starting to hurt like hell… i guess bandaids come into play here….. if i sucessfully learn something ..=] ill go buy myself an electric guitar^^… second hand of course… im not rich enough to be buying new things right now….=] i should play the piano more.. im missing my rhapsodies and concertos ..hahahahahaha …. i still have to learn how to play to zarkanland and finish learning the sky theme….. ahh so many things to do…. mmm on that thought i need to practice my jap and korean more….. and on top of that i should be drawing more so i can put more things into a portfolio…. mmm …. so many things to do…. but ! i have found the time to go job hunting more seriously… hopefully ill get hired soon…. maybe ill be working in a coffee shop some time soon…=] hehehehehe….. im working hard and learning new things.. and most importantly im enjoying the process… the good and the bad

++ life is full of surprises… whatever i choose ill choose it with a smile on my face …. i dont want to live a life that is full of regrets

im straying from the objective

:: my playlist :: Otsuka Ai – Cherish

+ its only not even one semester into the year and i feel like im straying from my objectives….im sitting back in my comfort zone watching life just spin faster and faster…… i thought i was going to win this game easily… turns out its harder than i thought… i guess this is the harsh reality that i really have to come to face…. many people have asked me … are you going where you want to ?… do you have your goal within your reach?…. i really want to honestly tell them that i definitely do… but some how i feel like at that moment im betraying a part of myself… im making the hole deeper and deeper so that i cant see the opening anymore…. this cant go on… im not being the best that i really can……  its not that i want to be selfish…. its not that i want to be inconsistent… its just that i can come to be too laid back in my own measurements…. when i look at the people that are successful …. i feel envy and jealously coming around the corner….. i look up to them but also i despise myself for being where i am today…. i need to work harder…. need to make it work…. i need to make it out of here…..

+ everything is hard… but its not that i cant handle the pressure its more that i cant see the future….. the future that i want to strive for…. this totally contradicts what i have written before about finding my own path and ways…. but i need a definite goal.. i need a definite yes…a good friend of mine told me once.. “if you really want something, then do whatever you can so you can get it” she succeeded with her terms and now i look at her with all the glory that she deserves i want to be like that…. but we are different people.. lets hope that…. no…. lets not even hope for it…. lets make it so that i really want it….. and i will do whatever it takes to get it…….i definitely will

++ there is no wall that cannot be broken… ill keep on climbing to the top so that i can win this game and be where i really want to be… im sorry for being selfish but i really want to be there… soon …..